So it's no real secret that Jon is out of town for work. In the beginning I tried to keep it on the down low...ya know in case someone wanted to come rob us or something because they found out. But I have found for my own health I CAN'T not talk about it. This has been so hard for me! At least the last time he was out of town he came home Saturday. Now its just a 10 minute phone call every day. Not enough! I'm trying to be strong for my girls (NOTE the trying...I feel like I'm barely keeping it together most days, but I'm striving to do better.) When I was in Arizona for a wedding last weekend (post to come as soon as I get more pictures!) I asked my Dad for a Father's Blessing. In our church it is a blessing a Father can give his children to give them guidance and comfort during their trials. My blessing from my Dad gave me so much comfort and strength that I think on often. I am so grateful to have a Father who is worthy and willing to help me. In the blessing I was told I would be given strength during my trials, and I am seeing God's hand in the daily things. I just hope and pray to be a better strength for my kids. Kate is especially having a hard time with this. She is being very emotional, and unlike her, not cuddly. In fact she will tell me to not hug her or touch her. I am starting to get really worried. The last thing I want is for this to put a wedge between us. If anyone has ANY advice or tricks to try I would appreciate it! I want her and I to have a close relationship always. I have a date lined up for Kate and I to go out alone, so I think that will be good, but I need more than that to ensure success. When Kate talks to Jon every night he asks her what she did that day. Her response always starts out with "Just hanging out with Habigial and Mommy, Daddy". She prays every day that Daddy will come home tomorrow. It just breaks my heart to see my happy, cheerful girl this sad. And worse is feeling like I don't have enough strength to help her like she needs. I guess that's why I'm posting, to vent my feelings and ask for advice.
But anyway-- just hanging out here we tried to take some pictures of Abs big smiles. She scrunches up her nose when she smiles big and it just melts my heart. But again my camera is too slow...(I'm really starting to think my reward for surviving this separation will be a fancy camera!)
And Kate, sweet Kate. Today she told me while watching Brave she was going to ride her horse like Merida. I asked her if she had her Merida dress on too, and she RAN to her dress up box and said "YAY my critty dress!" Then she found her "wallet just like you mom" and brought that along for her horse ride. I just love that girl so much. I would give anything to make her little world a stable, happy place again. Well with any luck Jon will be home in another month. Cross your fingers and pray with me! We all need to have him home again. We just love him so much! 
3 comments:
So, I haven't experienced this myself, since the longest we've been away from Bryant is when we visit family without him. But it sounds like this may be Kate's having some "abandonment issues" and this is her way of dealing with it. We all know Jon hasn't "abandoned" her or any of you, but in her little 3 year old mind that is what has happened. And not once, but twice now. When my nephew was 3, his Dad (my brother in law) started working for the secret service. He had like 8 months of training to do. So my Sister in Law (Bryant's sister), and their two kids stayed in Boise while he was back east. My nephew had classic abandonment issues. He would say stuff like "my daddy doesn't love me anymore" and things like that. Each child deals with the absence of a parent differently. I don't really know what advice to give you except, maybe see if you can skype with Jon as much as possible and remind Kate of how much both you and Jon love her. She's had a lot of changes in her life in the past 6 months from a new baby, to having daddy gone, to having daddy home to having daddy gone again. She may also be dealing with having both of you gone for a few days as well. If you need some one on one time with Kate please please bring Abby to me! Good Luck with this! (Sorry about such a long comment!)
Would it be possible for Jon to record some bedtime stories you could play for her every night? That might help her feel more in touch.
I had this same problem when Niles was three and Liam was a baby. Matt would be out of town for a long time and I discovered that webcams work wonders! For today's times, 2 Ipods (3rd generation I think has the camera's built in) would work great over a wifi connection without any additional phone charges (but both ipods must be connected to wifi. I'm assuming John's hotel has wifi and probably the place he is working in has it too). You can buy them used at a pretty good price at Gamestops. This way Kate could "see" her dad at least once a day and talk to him and 'show' him anything new in her room, a dress she has enjoyed wearing that day or even a picture she made for him to look at that evening. Maybe he could even find time to see her during his lunch breaks??
Also, I put a big calendar on the wall (I made with with a peice of poster board, markers and a ruler) and had Niles put a sticker on every morning to "mark down" the days when daddy would be home. I took a picture of Matt's face and cut it out and put it in the last day slot so he knew 'that' was the day dad would be home. He could then 'see' how far away it was until daddy was here again. This also helped a great deal. It reassured him that daddy WAS coming back and he could 'see' how long it was going to take. Took the pressure and uncertainty away.
Kids at this age are such visual learners and must be provided some way of 'seeing' things such as dad's face or even a measurment of time. Hope this helps. As for the not wanting you to cuddle her, Niles went through the same thing. I am no psycholigist but I assume it is due to the inability to handle certain emotions she may be feeling and not able to express due to her age. They don't even understand what they are feeling sometimes much less express it. Sometimes I would 'tell' Niles what you are feeling is sadness and not understanding why daddy is gone. And reassured him it was ok to have those feelings. I think it did help him to label his emotions and give him permission to feel unhappy.
(Sorry if I talk too much. I am a former school teacher and I get on my soapbox about kids) :-)))
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