Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Girls Photo Shoot

 The week after I came home from the hospital the second time, Nikki came over to do a girls photo shoot. We mainly were focusing on getting newborn shots of miss Abigail, but got to include my mom Kate and I. I love how all the pictures turned out. Believe it or not, I tried to pick just a few to post on here, but as you can see there were a lot of cute ones!
 This shot might be my all-time favorite! This is what my life looks like now.


 Sisterly love. Such a sweet thing.

Abigail wanted everyone to know she made it to 1 week old!

In a semi-unrelated note, Abigail had her 2 week checkup yesterday. She weighed in at 9lbs 8oz 22in long. This little girl isn't staying little for long! Before I know it she will be grown up!

I just love all the girls in my life. From my kids to my mom to my girlfriends, I am surrounded by amazing girls that make my life complete.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Cookies with grandma!

 Shortly after I got home from the hospital we decided to make cookies, so naturally Kate got to join in and help. This was her first time really getting to help lots. She had a great time!
 She dumped the sugar like a pro! She made a small mess of course, but considering it was her first time she was a natural!
 Taste testing for quality control. Don't worry Meghan we didn't put the knife back ;)
 Then once we added the mini m&m's she had a hard time keeping her hands off! She was a big fan.
Finished product, and happy girl! She loves spending so much time with her Grandma!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Aftermath of Abigail

Coming home from the hospital with our new baby, the drama was far from over. Jon dropped me off at home and headed to go pick up Kate. When she got home, she threw up. Just once, with no fever or other symptoms, but still it freaked me out! How was I supposed to keep a 2 year old from getting her newborn sister sick?! Luckily that was the end of that drama, Kate was given a Priesthood blessing and didn't show signs of being sick again. Kate is a very attentive sister, in fact, a bit too interested for my taste. It quickly became my full time job to keep Kate from accidentally hurting her sister. If the drama stopped there I would have been grateful, but alas it continues.

Thursday I started running a low grade fever. I hadn't slept since we were at the hospital and was really starting to feel lousy. I called the doctors office to see what they thought I should do. Basically they decided that we would watch my fever and decide in the morning if it was getting better or worse. I thought I must be getting mastitis. I headed to the grocery store that night to go pick up some cabbage to try to prevent the infection from getting worse. While at the store I was having a REALLY hard time walking. My insides hurt like no cramps I have felt before. Finally at home I took a shower to relax my muscles. What happened next gets stop reading if you don't want a lot of TMI and nasty body related things! While in the shower I discovered that something was coming out of me. I tried to wash it off thinking it was just some blood clots or something, however, it wouldn't budge. After some more pulling and standing over a mirror I decided that it was time to call a doctor. The on call doctor told me to NOT pull at the stuff. He thought from what I described that my cervix was detached and hanging on the outside of my body. He told me that going to the ER at that point wasn't effective and I might as well call the office first thing in the morning and be seen. I spent the entire night, even when Abigail was sleeping, freaking out about what this nasty problem could mean. Everything I was finding online mentioned needing surgery to fix the problem. I was an emotional wreck, and felt so sick! My fever had gotten worse. It was so long since I had slept that I was having a hard time keeping myself together. But I was too stressed and scared to sleep. I asked Jon to give me a blessing of comfort, and I felt some peace. Basically I was told in the blessing that although this would be a scary time for me, I would be healthy in the end. Finally morning came and I got a hold of the doctor. They had me come in as soon as I could. The walk into the doctor's office was slow and painful, but by the time I got inside and undressed for my appointment, the crap had fallen all the way out of me. The doctor took one look at it and said it was the amniotic sack. Then during a very painful examination (remember I JUST pushed a baby out of that same location that he was now rummaging around in!) he pulled out some more of the sack. Nasty and painful. He declared that since the sack had been inside me rotting since I gave birth that I clearly had an infection. He wanted to do an ultrasound to see if there was still more material inside me that would cause further troubles. The vaginal ultrasound (yea....they stuck a camera up there too....since his hand didn't hurt enough) showed that there was still a bit of material left, but the doctor was optimistic that it would and could come out on its own without surgery and hospitalization. He gave me 2 antibiotic shots to help my body fight the infection, 2 oral antibiotics, and a pill to make my uterus contract and spew the crap out. Oh, and then he gave me vicoden to dull the intense pain he said the contractions would cause. I was instructed to take the pills and if I still felt sick the next day, or felt worse to go to the hospital and get looked at again. I left the office feeling optimistic that these magic pills were my answer to no surgery and a fast recovery. I have never been so wrong in my life.

Jon came home that afternoon with my pills. So I dutifully took the first dose of all of them. Not even 30 minutes later I had to sit down on the couch because the house seemed to be spinning to me. I couldn't get my brain to focus on much of anything. Some friends brought over dinner and I just had to sit still and pretend I knew what was going on. Then it came time for the next dose of the pills. It also happened to fall right at bedtime. So, I took the pills and headed to bed. Again, not even 30 minutes later I was feeling terrible. My body was shaking, I was sweating uncontrollably and I felt like I was literally losing my mind. I couldn't sleep, couldn't relax, and couldn't think rational thoughts. I finally asked Jon to call a friend so they could give me a priesthood blessing. The blessing helped me know that in the end I would be ok, but didn't calm my crazy thoughts! After the blessing we tried to go to bed. It was at this point in my night I got up and started walking around the house like a crazy person. As photo evidence, I even was feeling crazy enough to take a picture to document my face for this very blog post.
Talk about a scary face!! Anyway. As I went on sweating and feeling 100% crazy and out of my mind I watched the clock. The contraction pills were only supposed to mean 18 hours of pain to get all cleaned out. At pill 2 I was half way there. I was trying to gear myself up for doing this another few hours. It was the last thing I wanted to do. Then, to add to my stress level, I realized during the night that my milk supply was gone! NOTHING was coming out. I was so dehydrated from my intense sweating that poor Abigail was getting nothing to eat. I had to wake up Jon and send him on a 3am formula run. Last time we did this baby gig Jon and I never once had to buy formula, so neither of us knew exactly what to look for. Sadly for us, Jon grabbed a stage 2 he had to go back to the store again. I blame the no sleep. Some formula into Abby and it was time for me to take pill number 3. I decided this time to not take the vicoden with it--since I thought that is what was making me feel so crazy. Well, that strategy didn't fully pay off. The darkest few hours of my life were during that last round of pills I had taken. I told myself that during that pill I was going to fall asleep no matter what. So I forced myself to stay in the same position until Abigail was ready to eat again. While laying there in bed I started the sweating and shaking again. But this time my crazy emotions took a turn for the worse. I started having really dark and scary thoughts. I couldn't gain control of myself. I was so afraid of the things going on inside my head that I had to get up. I was even going so far as picking out the sharpest knife in the kitchen to cut myself with. I officially have NO clue why anyone would want to use drugs and feel that way! I am not made for the druggie life. The time started to get closer for me to take the next pill, and I knew there was no way in the world that I could go through the emotional darkness again. I didn't trust myself. I just knew at that point I had to get myself to the hospital. Something was wrong with my body and I had to know what it was. There was no way to know if the pills worked enough or not. Luckily I have some of the best friends and family in the world, because I called my friend Nikki and she headed over to get Kate and Abby. A heart breaking moment for me was when Jon went to go wake up Kate he was talking to her and asked if she could be a good girl for him. Her reply was "mommy sick?" I literally had to hold onto the wall to not fall over from emotion. My 2 year old was so used to me being sick that her first logical thought was that of course she was going somewhere because I couldn't take care of her again. More than anything in the world at that moment all I wanted to do was take care of my girls. I wanted to be their mom so bad it hurt in places I didn't know I had inside. But as my friend kindly reminded me, I had to get myself well first. Nikki took Abby to my sister in law Susans house so we could get to the hospital faster. By 6am we were on our way to get looked at in the hospital.
Once at the hospital I had to tell a few white lies to get the nurses to contact the doctor about my condition. I had to tell them that I was running a fever when I actually wasn't at the time. I had taken Advil and it reduced my fever. But I knew I was sick. 3 needles, 2 pelvic exams, another ultra sound and an iv of fluid later the doctor on call decided to admit me and do a D&C. I was dreading that answer. I kinda knew in the back of my mind all along that I would end up at that option, but I was so scared to have to go back. I didn't know how long I would have to be there or how that would effect Kate. The poor girl had already seen me in the hospital once. I wanted to be at home with my girls enjoying the time of being a mom of two. Why can't I have a normal labor and recovery experience?! With Kate I missed out because of my spinal leak, and this time it was a serious infection.
I was wheeled up to the labor and delivery floor for the second time in a week and started the pre-operation process. The nurses were all super sweet, almost all of them working on my operation had been in my delivery also. I was kinda a celebrity. Not really what I wanted to be famous for, but I guess I will take what I can get. While doing all the pre-op questions I was asked if I had eaten anything. I reported that I had half a bagel at 6am. To this the nurses all shook their heads in shame. Apparently that was a bad thing--even though I had no idea I was going to be getting surgery that very day! Long story short (ok nothing about this blog post is short!!) the anesthesiologist came and said that since I had eaten they couldn't put me to sleep like they normally do, instead I got a spinal. At this point I lost it. The utter injustice of the week to me was that I wanted to try natural childbirth to avoid complications like Kate's epidural, and I did it, but then a few days later had complications anyway that caused me to need the drugs. I started to cry for a minute, but pulled myself together. Being awake during surgery was an insanely crazy experience. A few highlights: the doctor had a big plastic face guard that looked like she was prepared for a paintball war instead of surgery. So I asked her if that was to protect me from her or her from me....explaining that I wasn't sure if I could handle seeing me get her. She laughed and said that no it was def not going to be that traumatic. Then when my legs were hoisted into these odd slings all I could see was my toes and the top of the doctors head. I told the nurses that it was a shame to have my feet just hanging there if no one was going to paint my toes. When the doctor started to scrape my insides out I could totally feel it on the insides of my ribcage. Totally the craziest feeling ever!! Then when the operation was over things got scary for me. They wheeled me out to the post op recovery area and left me there alone for 20 minutes. I was shaking from being so cold, but I couldn't move anything except my arms. That feeling started to make me panic. And panic I did, for the next 3 hours until the medication wore off. During that time I was so scared I prayed and prayed for help. I was inspired by my nurse to call some friends. By this point in our adventure poor Jon was toast. He literally couldn't keep his eyes open. I tried to call his name a few times and he was unresponsive. I knew that he needed to sleep and he couldn't take care of me anymore because he needed to rest himself. I started to get really scared of being left alone. My mom was on a flight headed to come take care of me but wouldn't get there till 11pm. I decided to call my sis in law Heather and ask her to set up "babysitters" for me so Jon could get some rest. That was all it took, and my whole group of friends showed up to support me in my trial. Here we all are (except Susan who was driving to the airport to pick up my mom) Meghan Ruggles, Nikki Diller, Leslie Czuba, Heather Walter.
Seriously these girls blessed my life so much. With their aid I was able to laugh again, calm my nerves, cry, tell them my darkest moments, get hugs, have candy, and feel hope again. I am so grateful for sweet friends like them, I would be lost in this world without all my many amazing friends. They even sent Jon home to rest and stayed with me till my mom got there. I felt so relieved to know my poor husband was finally getting the rest he needed after taking care of me and the girls all week. Throughout the entire experience my husband was my rock. It was a time for me to sit back in awe and be reminded of just why I wanted to be his wife in the first place.
In the end my mom showed up and finally got me to sleep for the first time in days. The nurses and doctors got me well quickly. I was released from the hospital on Sunday afternoon, and gladly headed home. Thankfully my mom had been able to stay with me since I've been home, because my body feels like it was hit by a truck, but I am getting stronger and better every day. I feel this experience has brought me closer to my husband, family, friends, and Savior. Also, it has strengthened my appreciation for my role as a mother on this earth. I truly am blessed to be able to care for some of Heavenly Father's children.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Abigail's Labor Story

Sadly this post has been a long time coming. I had to wait until life calmed down enough to take a few minutes to blog. This last week has been one of the most crazy/stressful weeks of my life!

With Abigail's labor, I was taken completely by surprise. I had been to the doctor Monday morning (the 13th) and the doctor said I was only dilated to a "2ish" and he thought that my body wouldn't go into labor on its own. So we scheduled an induction for that Thursday. I went home making plans for Thursday. Then at 4:45 I was washing dishes talking to my mom and felt a punch in the groin (for lack of a better explanation). I told my mom it was weird and decided to sit down for a minute to see what it was. Then every 5 minutes after that I would have the same intense pain way down low. It was nothing like the contractions I experienced with Kate. I kept telling my mom I didn't know if it was actually contractions. But I called Jon and our babysitter Susan anyway to tell them I might be having contractions and be on standby. Not even 15 minutes later I called them both back in such pain I had no doubt I was in full on labor. Jon rushed home and packed up Kate's stuff (I couldn't walk at this point) and we dropped Kate off and headed to the hospital. On our drive I started having pains so bad I didn't know if I could stand it. I told Jon that I was going to cave and get an epidural as soon as we got there! While driving I started to panic--it was so scary to be in that much pain that quickly! I was not handling it well! Every contraction I would yell at Jon to say a prayer. For whatever reason that was the only thing that was bringing me any comfort. Jon must have said 20 plus prayers! So, we get close to the hospital (contractions 3 min apart by then) and I start directing Jon on where to go. He gently suggests we go to the emergency room. I insist I know right where to go and direct him to the outpatient building where I go for my doctor visits. Epic fail. We are walking around that parking garage when I realize I'm totally stupid and in the wrong place. Several nurses leaving work stopped to help me walk back to the car and directed Jon to the ER. Moments later at the ER we park and walk inside. The time now is 6:00. There was a line at the reception desk, and Jon gently asked if we could cut. When the reception nurse looked up and saw me she rushed me to a wheelchair and sent me upstairs as fast as possible. I was starting to feel relieved because I knew drugs were getting closer to my reach! The first nurse at the labor floor had me get on the scale and get my weight. I had to grab onto Jon just to stand upright. THEN they sent me to the bathroom to give a urine sample and change into a gown. I was upset by that point--really who cares about my pee, can't you see I'm about to die here?! So i dropped my clothes to the floor, threw on the gown, peed standing up cause I couldn't move, walked out of the room and told Jon to get my stuff because I couldn't bend. The nurse then said--"Whenever you are ready to get into the bed I will check you." I was about to get an attitude with her! Whenever I'm ready?! I was having a hard time moving on my own let alone crawling into a bed! I gracefully fell into the bed and got myself semi adjusted so she could check me. She takes one look at me, looks shocked and orders me to roll onto my side and calm down. I was a 9 and ready to push. (thanks for making me do all the unnecessary crap lady! I tried to tell you but you didn't believe me!) They paged the doctors and wheeled me to my delivery room. I asked along the way if I could get any pain relief, to which I was told it was too late. I seriously came unhinged then. I just kept saying over and over "I can't do this, I can't do this. I need drugs. etc" It all happened so fast! While waiting for the doctors I was still on my side convulsing from contractions, and the nurses tell me to stick out both of my arms. They were putting in an IV in one arm and drawing blood from the other. REALLY?! I'm in so much pain at this point I can't hold still and we are worried about that? Oh well. So finally one nurse told me I could move my arm again--and I did, but apparently it was the wrong arm and made the nurse get blood all over. I could have cared less! Then the on call doctor arrived a few seconds later and started to break my water so I could deliver. As he did so, my doctor came rushing in. Then it was time to push. Talk about the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I was so scared I started hyperventilating. The doctor reminded me to calm down and breathe, that the less oxygen I got the less the baby got. To which I replied (not so nicely) "Can I get some oxygen at least then!?". They gave me a mask and I felt slightly empowered. For some reason that mask gave me the mental capacity to finish the job. It felt like my lifeline.I may or may not have held it as tightly to my face as possible for the rest of my labor.  So pushing commenced. The doctor tells me to push, and I do while screaming out in pain. He then gives me a lecture about how I didn't do that right at all. I needed to push like I was having a bowel movement by holding my breath and bearing down. I laughed and told him I must not poop right because I've never held my breath to poo! Next contraction I push with my new pushing knowledge, and the doctor says I did better, just not perfect. He tells me to push till I feel the pain and then bear down and push into the pain. Next contraction I give it another go, and he tells me I did a good job, and with one more good push this baby could be born! That promise gave me what I needed.I thought of my sweet Kate, who for weeks has been telling me to push Abby out of my tummy. I started chanting "push her out" under my breath. I pushed like there was no tomorrow and thankfully that sweet baby came, cause I don't think I had much more in me! But the pain wasn't near over, they left the baby head out to suction the mouth. I kept saying, just pull her out...let me push her out, to which I was told no. Wow that part killed. Finally they got her the rest of the way out. I felt relief for the first time. Abigail was born at 7:01. Talk about a short labor!!!! The only way I survived that was the shortness of the experience. I was definitely not one of those natural childbirth moms who was graceful and determined. I was panicked and negative and crazy! One more painful part to the labor was getting the placenta out. Sadly the umbilical cord was weakened during delivery so the doctor had to use his hand (yea talk about almost passing out) to scoop the rest of the gunk out of me. I never want to feel that again.
 Abigail Claire was born at 7:01pm August 13th weighing 8lbs 11oz, 20.5in long.

 I guess the positive side to the entire experience was the torture only lasted 2 hours. And I had a beautiful healthy baby. I also noticed that only a few hours after delivery I was feeling so much stronger than I had after Kate's delivery. I was up and showering and going to the bathroom that evening. I never want to go into labor again because of this experience, but our sweet girl was worth it in the end.
Kate and Abigail meet for the first time. Kate was nervous in the hospital. She was especially worried about my owies. So I let her take the bandaids off my arms and she then felt better. She was climbing in the bed to sit with me and such.
Abigail was released from the hospital on Wednesday. She is all dressed for the steamy hot August weather. She is such a sweet baby! We have already been so blessed to have her a part of our little family.

Stay tuned tomorrow--hopefully I will have time to write about the aftermath of Abigail. The labor story pales in comparison to the drama that I have yet to divulge.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Still Pregnant

Well it's 9:30 pm on 9 days till due date and I'm still pregnant. Abigail officially didn't come as fast as her sister! Am I disappointed? Yes. Do I hope with all my heart she comes tomorrow? Yes. Today I went to the mall for 5 hours and walked around and did the same things I did that started Kate's labor, for superstitions sake. I only hope it was worth it and this girl will hurry up and get out here! I'm so ready to see her.
So a few funny things to remember about Kate this week to have a fun note to this post:
-Kate noticed that my belly button was officially sticking out now. Very concerned she said "Uh-oh Mommy! It's broken!" She also every time she pats my tummy talks to her sister happygail. It melts my heart. And she touches my stretch marks and says "mommy have an owie"
-My mom sent Kate a few books about becoming a big sibling. Kate naturally loves them and when we read them she tells me that she will have a new sister really soon. And then tells me to go push her out. If only she knew just how much I wish I could push her out already!

Thats all I can remember for now.....hopefully the next time you hear from me I will have a new baby!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

My Girls Rooms

 Well I've been saying it for awhile now, but today I finally got both of my girls rooms almost 100% done! But I decided that if I keep waiting for them to be 100% I will never get pictures up here! So, introducing the never before seen Abigail's Room:
We we going for a pastels/bunny theme. The bunny part came from the Hallmark interactive books about Abigail the bunny. My mom sewed the quilt from my toddler bed quilt, and I just love it! The curtains and bed skirt are the same ones we made for Kate's baby room.
 The changing table side of the room. The A is a hair bow holder that I made.
 Her closet wall and basket of books.

 The artwork was done by my mom. It is made from the Abigail books, but she made them all 3D. They are really cute!
 And a closer look at the bedding. It is simple but perfect! And don't ask me why the C is crooked in this picture....It is really bugging me now! Now that her room is finished I can't wait to get a baby in there. I can't wait to see what my new little girl looks like sleeping in her bed!
 Now on to Kate's big girl room! This room has been mostly done forever.....and when I say forever it has been a LONG time! I was waiting on myself to sew the curtains. Then one day, in a hormonal rage, I decided to just go buy curtains instead of waiting on myself! I'm glad I did--it is time to document her room! She LOVES her room and all the artwork in it. My mom drew and painted the artwork based on The Little Polar Bear books. I have to say I am in love with them too!
 Her bed that Jon built for her. (Keep in mind that her room isn't perfectly clean, but it is lived in!)
 And why these pictures look crooked too bugs me.....BAH! It's just my camera skills!
 This is the wall opposite the bed. Her kitchen and toys everywhere.
 And a closer look at the pictures. I am no photographer so excuse the glare from the lights and pretend they are perfectly in focus.

 The closet wall with her piggy bank and books. Like I said, very lived in!
Both my girls have original, but very girly rooms! I hope you have enjoyed the tour, but mostly I wanted to make sure my girls had these pictures for their memories, and mine. I spend lots of time cleaning and playing in those rooms! And I think it is sweet that with all the homemade decorations that my girls and I are surrounded with love while we play and sleep.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Pregnancy woes

This post is more for my own record than for anyone else. I know you don't want to hear me complain about still being pregnant. BUT MAN I AM SO DONE WITH THIS!!!! I can't sleep, can't move, can't eat without getting heart burn, can't survive without zoferan (I found this out the hard way when my prescription ran out and I thought, only a few days left I don't want to spend the money. I've spent the last 3 days throwing up and feeling like death again. so sometime today I should get my refill...or at least I better cause I might just give up and die! It's a sad day when one of the best and most often said phrases your 2 year old says is "mommy's tummy hurts. mommy just throw up.") can't go 5 minutes without needing to pee, can't control my emotions, can't paint my toes, and can't wait to have a newborn--in my book that is when you know it is bad! I'm already not sleeping so I might as well have a better reason! Bah! I have my fingers crossed that we will be done with this before my due date cause I am losing my mind! Oh and for the record, Jon bets the baby will be born on the 10th, and I say 14th. We will see who is right. I think for the first time in my life I would be ok if he wins this one!