On Friday night Jon came home from work and went straight to bed. Kate and I were bored to tears with eachother.....so we went outside to blow bubbles. That of course then led to bath time. I guess Kate decided she hadn't had her fill of bubbles, and while I wasn't looking dumpped her entire bottle of shampoo into the tub. Instead of yelling at her--which was my initial instinct, I just embraced the bubble party. (And today I bought some real bubble bath so hopefully the shampoo will be spared next time.)
Now, that first part of the post was to prove that Kate and I do have some good times together. But GOOD GRIEF it feels like we fight constantly! What I want to know is are there any other moms out there who have felt like their child generally doesn't like them? I would bet half a million dollars if I had it that Kate would confirm the fact that she really dislikes me if she had more of the verbal capasity to do so. It makes me absolutely wild....she is so well behaved for other people, but turns crazy and angry if stuck with me. For example, Sunday walking into church Kate started throwing an epic fit. I got to our pew and was putting my stuff down so I could take her back out and calm her down, when she saw her Uncle Kenneth and ran right to him and sat happily on his lap. She was 100% happy the rest of church because she didn't have to be near me. Now, I LOVE that she is super friendly and happy with other people, but does she have to show her hatred towards me so strong---or vocally! At the grocery store today, THANK GOODNESS Aunt Heather was there too because Kate started SCREAMING bloody murder at me and hitting me, until Heather volunterred to push Kate's cart. Then she sat happy in the cart until I went to put her in our car....where she cried the whole way home demanding to be back with Heather. Maybe its partially my hormones talking, but it sorta rips my heart out to know my kid can't stand me. I try so hard to be a good mom and feel like its getting me nowhere. Obviously I'm doing something wrong if my kid can't be near me. SO--if anyone has ANY advice or thoughts of what I should try or ANYTHING, PLEASE let me know. I feel so desperate. I need Kate and I to be on better terms before her sister is born.
4 comments:
Sweetie- I totally understand!!! My kids are that way sometimes, they act like I am the worst person in the world that they could be stuck with, they fight with me, they cry, etc... But she will grow out of it- especially when the baby is born, because she will realize that she needs your attention, and then will be jealous of little sister... It really will be okay. I honestly have felt that way with all 3 of my kids, which is hard because as the Mom we think that they should love us and want to be with only us, and be our doting children- but sadly it doesn´t work like that! You will be fine, just remind her that you love her, and that she is your big girl, that you need her to be a sweetie. That would be my advice- and make mommy-Kate time- when she is being grumpy, make yourself be calm and sing her a song, or draw with her or something- it will help her realize that your love is unconditional. Maybe she feels your stress!
Love you...
I agree with the previous comment. As you know from FB, I believe toddlerhood to be extremely torturous! I've heard that they feel most comfortable with mom, so they are willing to express their worst emotions. That should be flattering, but it really sucks for mom! Beware that your mama bear instincts might be stronger after the baby comes, which might make your relationship with Kate even more srained (that happened for me). But trying to stay calm and putting aside even just 5 minutes a day to play with, show love to, goof around with Kate might help. She will grow out of it (the peak of horror with Benjo was about 3years old, and by 3.5 things were already much better) in the meantime, just don't get your feelings hurt by her wanting to be with others. Think of it as your emotional break! And just remember (no matter how hard with all the crazy hormones), you are the adult, so you are the one that has to act like one! You're not alone!!! :-)
When I worked at the daycare we saw a TON of that. I mostly worked in the 2 year old room and 3 year old room. Parents would come in saying they were being terrors and they would have a great day with us. Also they would walk in and say "you got them to eat that?!" or do such and such activity, or take a nap. Whatever it was, kids know how to push buttons. It totally makes sense what the other two ladies posted as well! Like when you snap at your husband and then a neighbor comes over and your SUPER nice to them and when they leave the snapping starts again (I post this because of personal experience lol). I bet this soon to be newest addition of yours will make her appreciate all the mommy time she can get. I knew a girl who made grocery shopping her mommy time with her oldest little boy so he saw it as a reward. If he was not good at the store, the next time he was left home. It doesn't always work because of work schedules, but I'm sure this phase won't last too long anyways. Hope your day gets better!!!
I agree with/ have read similar advice to that above, all good stuff. I thought I'd try to give you some perspective from my childhood. To start, my mom & I have opposite/antagonistic signs on the Chinese zodiac, which totally made sense when I found out, though it didn't change anything. We lived together alone, my folks divorced when I was 3. I remember fighting a ton with my Mom, and then crying & hugging each other, and her making sure I knew she loved me, even though we drove each other crazy. We did lots of great fun activities together whenever she could, and I remember those well too. We had mom-daughter dates all the time, no one else around... Really the thing I remember most about fighting was what came after, because the fights surely were about trivial or child-important things. The love my mom had for me is what's there, the hugs & crying together & saying we're sorry & especially saying "I love you" as soon as possible, even right after the silly fight. So even if you & Kate end up fighting for years to come, remember D&C 121: 43-44. And that you aren't the only one.
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